Music and Lyrics by Drew Brody
JOAN AND RICHARD
TWO KIDS
TWO KIDS
TWO KIDS
TWO KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY!
JOAN
OH, THE THINGS THAT I AM PICKING UP:
SIPPY CUPS AND CHEEZ PUFFS
ACTION FIGURES, BUILDING BLOCKS
WHY’D YOU BUY ‘EM ALL THIS STUFF?
NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, THIS PLACE’LL NEVER BE CLEAN.
JOAN & RICHARD
FOOD, LIKE PROJECTILES, NOODLES AND CEREAL
CUT THROUGH THE AIR AS THEY’RE LAUNCHED FROM THE HIGH CHAIR.
THOSE GERBER BABIES ARE CUTE ONLY CAUSE THEY’RE ON TV.
I MEAN LOOK AT THIS PLACE, IT’S A DISASTER, DISASTER,
BUT EVERY DAY THEY GROW UP FASTER AND FASTER.
WE TAKE IT DAY BY DAY
WITH TWO KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY.
JOAN
ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, A PONYTAIL AND PJ’S
DIRTY NAILS AND BAGGY EYES
SAGGY BUTT AND FLABBY THIGHS
I HAVEN’T PUT ON A DRESS SINCE 1972
RICHARD
THIS PLACE IS A MESS.
IT’S LIKE A WAR ZONE.
HOW LONG, IS ANYONE’S GUESS
SINCE SHE SWEPT THE FLOOR,
OR COOKED A MEAL FOR ME,
BUT THIS IS OUR LIFE NOW.
SO MUCH MONEY GONE TOWARDS
FORMULA AND DIAPERS,
DESITIN, AND AQUAFOR,
CAR SEATS AND STROLLERS,
SOMETIMES I BREAK DOWN AND CRY
SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA SCREAM,
JOAN
AWAY.
TAKE ‘EM AWAY.
JUST GET ‘EM AWAY.
SOMETIMES I WANNA SCREAM.
JOAN & RICHARD
I MEAN LOOK AT THIS PLACE, IT’S A DISASTER, DISASTER,
BUT EVERY DAY THEY GROW UP FASTER AND FASTER
WE TAKE IT DAY BY DAY
WITH TWO KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY
NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THE MINUTE YOU HAVE KIDS YOU’RE A SLAVE
RICHARD
NO BOOK EVER STATES THAT YOU’RE GONNA STOP COMMUNICATING
JOAN
LOOKING AT YOUR MATE WITH A FEELING CLOSE TO HATE
RICHARD
YOU BARELY FEEL ALIVE
JOAN & RICHARD
JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE
JOAN
EVERY NOW AND THEN THEY FALL ASLEEP AT THE SAME TIME
RICHARD
AND WE GET A MOMENT OF PEACE AND SOME DOWN TIME
JOAN
ALL OF A SUDDEN
JOAN & RICHARD
WE’RE WATCHING ANGELS DREAM
RICHARD
AWAKE!
GODDAMN THE KIDS ARE AWAKE.
I THINK I’M GOING INSANE.
JOAN
AND THEN THEY’RE UP AGAIN AND SCREAMING,
CONSUMING AND NEEDING,
GRABBING AND BREAKING,
POOPING AND PEEING,
IF DIAPER GENIE WERE REAL,
HERE’S WHAT MY WISHES WOULD BE – JUST THREE!
ONE: FOR THE MONEY TO TAKE AWAY OUR WORRIES
TWO: FOR THE NEXT ONE TO COME OUT IN A HURRY
THREE: LET ‘EM SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NOW AND THEN
SO WE REMEMBER WHY WE’RE MARRIED AGAIN!
I MEAN LOOK AT THIS PLACE, IT’S A DISASTER, DISASTER,
BUT EVERY DAY THEY GROW UP FASTER AND FASTER.
WE TAKE IT DAY BY DAY
WITH TWO KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY.
RICHARD
TWO KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY.
JOAN & RICHARD
TWO KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY!